ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!!!!! >.< I know! I'm sorry for ALL the journals!!!

Note me for the new account.

kk so I'll be on this account for like the next week or little longuer but after that I'm done. I really won't go as often on it...like not at all, probably I'll pop up some time then but aww well -_- whatever...you're warned.

On the 14th that just recently passed It was my DA B-day

I'm quite happy, actualy, that it's been two tough years on sweet DA. tough because lolz I almost quit drawing last year. but, I'm catching up..well I think I am. Anyways hurrayz for me now let's move on... I have to change accounts.. Like I said in my past journal~Devious Entry. For many reasons I have to change.. umm I found a name, I'll be using it from now on. But quite, I'm not letting family memberz know about this so I'll still sometimes go on this account so that they won't be suspiscious of anything. (I'll somtimes make drawings and put them on here, but for my other account I'll change my signature too..maybe? ugh whatever) AND because I'm unnable of giving up this account yet... *sigh* I'll go make the other one right now and let you know...which is going to be hard, cuz zomg I watch 70 poeple and plan to watch them ALL back. And well the poeple who watch me, could you note me? I'll give ya the name account, or I'll just go and note you. But if you have the chance to do it please do..

I have to change accounts. Make another one, in which I'm thinking of, UGH I didn't want to do that but now I have no other choice. It's not safe enough anymore to be on my account, lets say it's not private enough. long ago I gave my site to my grand-mother, because she asked for it, so I gave her the title of my main page so she could check t out as well. (not my password or anything) and errr >m< great error. Like I said it's not private enough, she's always looking through my stuff, and I don't want that. Some things aren't ment for her to see. It's not nice hidding stuff from my family but I have to. Cause then they'll nose in on me and ask me questions o\-/o grrrrrr.... I really don't want that. so yeah... I just have to change accounts, well, I don't quite want to abandon this account because Jamielle9 is me and for all I know jamielle9 to me is everything else, lol I use that name for everything and everywhere. ARRRGHHH >W< DAMIT! I'll think of something...well I guess I don't quite need to give up on this account.. but ...I could continue going on this one?? *sobs* nuuuuuu!! I don't want two accounts >m< but I don't want to stay on this one because of the error I did. O.o fudge... but I don't want to leave it either... O.o Well that's complicated ..ugh Anyways, One thing for sure, I'm going to find another name to make another account...

sorry for the loads of journals in like two days. I have to change them constantly so my family won't see them.

anyways, I got a HUGE buzz on Harry Potter movies...and I like the mood/emoticon thing I chose lool... -_- anyways...I'll think of something for the accounts.

ohh and even though I'm going through all of this, I'm still interested in doing comissions, but it will have to wait, cause I can't start anything right now..

It's going to be 2 years That I've been on DA(to years on the 14th of august ) MEEEEEEEEEP! Plus I've just hit my 3000 pages views *tears* I thank you so dearly poeple All of this is important to me..

BUT... I must say;

Drawing for me, is difficult; because I want to impress poeple. not being show off. There's a difference. I want to impress poeple so bad, that it can be sometimes frustrating for me, because I try so hard, and still I don't think it's enough. It always has to be better. I get discouraged quickly too. Therefore My patience is deadly low and I have no confidence in myslef *sobs* it sucks to feel this way. Drawing to me...Is Everything. It's my way to see things, to show, invent explain...to talk almost. Even at it's most stressfull times...I get myself to try and work hard.

Drawing is the other Half of me. That's what I do. That's how I think, it's how I see, and, how I talk.(expression matters) It's my life. It's my love, I want to become someone, that will mark it's place in time, I want poeple to know me.. I want to be myself but also someone that you can look up to, I'm always ready to help. Always, I'm there.

It's painfull for me to draw, when I think of all these things and mostly, that I want to impress. Because yet again, drawing is my entire univers my life, and I just can't cope with it. Then again, I don't know to where I stand... It's hard because I can't get myself to think I'm good. It's alwasy to be better. It's like a challenge or a competion but with myslef. I'm not trying to be better than anyone, exept myself and it pisses me off royaly.

I HATE IT. For some, drawing is peacefull, never stressing. which is good, but in my state -__- I would rather not draw to not be stressed and chew my thumbs right off of my hand.

It's like fire, and water. Even though somehow you can manage to love each other, they're bound enemies. It's freaking hard, both to explain and bare. I, to ALL artists, no matter what situation you are in, you are capable of drawing! you are everything. You are like a thousand words but within a simple lines. Wether they're curved, straight or complex. No matter what, when or how, never give up...Don't seperate yourself from your gift, your talent and possibly your everything.

Like Fire, that burns away you hope, this is my right half, my life, my gift, talent.
I draw.

Like Water, that cools down emotions, refreshing ideas, this is my left half, my mind, my surrounding, myself.
This is who I am.

Now, I've just touched the tip of what I have in mind. The mere tip. I can't bare what I'm going through right now. What poeple are telling me. The grudges I keep forever. The thoughs that tear me appart. Words hurt, even though they're not sticks or stones. I've been hurt by many poeple and now it's the hardest point of my life, I keep it all in, I'm not able to block it, I can barely separate myself from my broken mind.

Every single thing. I hate, I'm ashamed, I'm hurt, I'm what I am. it truly is the hardest point in my life. I'm not able to fogive the grudges I've held even to this day. I'm sick..and tired...of this.. and yet, my friends...you may think of something, that I would be thinking of, but trust me, you've barely spared the tip of what is in my mind.

But...Then again, I feel more alone then ever, and I can't get myself to accept it because I've started to hate so many poeple. Just because I hate, of the things some did to me, it's finaly turning back on them, late, but finaly, I'm letting some out. I don't know what to do, I feel just so mad lately, at poeple not my Best Friends of course and my watchers ( I'm not mad at youz that's for sure) but the way I feel right now, I can't explain. But it's madening. Terrifying. I'm not like that usualy but just to let you know that's how I feel. even though I'm trying not to let it show...

I.H.A.D.W. find that out, and then you'll have the scare of your life. but then again you might just not care.

--Drexor btw I hope you get better very soon, I wish I could be there to cheer you up my dear friend, but nuuu I wouldn't want to be a bother to you. lolz anyways take care and rest well--

--nouuuu and btw, can't wait to see ya on the 13th step-nii-san --

ZOMG!!! mk I've been drawing alot I guess and I was thinking of starting comissions...but err.. yeah, I don't know how.. -_-' Like, how does the money and stuff come in?? arrrghh it's confusing, I don't know what happens when I do a comission, like do you send your drawing to that someone by the post office or am I like not even close to how to do that???? or do you just post it on DA and that someone gives you money?? O_o'
I really dun know but I want to know, so umm could I ask you a favor? Just to anyone that does comissions, how do you manage?? Though yeah, what do you guys think?? bout me doing comissions?? -.- naww you probably dun know or dun really want to comission me, but still, lol do you think I'd be good I'm discouraged already >...< nawwwww the hell with it, I really want to try, omg omgomg and yeah if ever I do comissions PLEASE NO DIRTY StUFf >~< I dun do that kind of stuff..

o_O' oh yeah bout Target view, I was asked to join but err yeah I checked the site out with my friend Drex, and yeah there's like wow AMASING POEPLE WHO DRAW AMSING STUFF. I'm actualy like really not that good compared to them but I still want to try >.< cause yeah i'm thinking of starting to sell my art, never thought I would but yaa, I want to..kindda.

neeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh I dun know what to do, I'll try and find poeple who can help me out with comissions, but if randomly you know please let meh know